A Moment of Reflection by Ziyana Samanani
2/24/2021 10:38:00 AM | Blog
Tomorrow's Leaders | Ziyana Samanani
During my sophomore year of high school, I was at a crossroads. To say that I never thought that this is what my life would look like almost five years later, would be an understatement. At the time, I was living in Calgary, Alberta, the city in which I was born, and was slightly pessimistic about the world around me. I was recovering from a pretty serious soccer injury which had sidelined me from playing both soccer and volleyball (for my high school and club teams) and was in the IB program with the mindset that any grade below an A was unacceptable. Frustrated with my inability to play sports and struggling with a serious case of perfectionism, my outlook on life was tunnel visioned and I thought that I had to be in complete control of everything at all times.
After recovering from my injury, I was ready to quit soccer. I was resigned to the fact that my aspirations to play at a division I school were improbable at best, and honestly, I hated the sport that I had once loved. I wanted to redirect my efforts to volleyball, with the hope that if I trained hard enough, I would receive a volleyball scholarship from a Canadian university. However, like all of my (almost) bad decisions, my dad quickly nipped this in the bud. While he wasn't against the idea of me playing volleyball, he also wasn't thrilled about me completely abandoning soccer after 12+ years. He suggested that I move to Vancouver, British Columbia (where the probability of getting recruited by an elite college soccer program was much greater), enroll in a new high school, join a new club team and continue to pursue the soccer goals that I had always had; an idea that, to a teenage girl, was absolutely ridiculous. Yet somehow, after basically being forced by my parents and siblings, a few months later I found myself living alone in an apartment in Vancouver, playing for a local club team and set to start junior year at an IB school there. I was now stuck away from home with academic and athletic obligations, terrified that after all of this extra effort and commitment, the outcome was ultimately out of my control.
Over the next several months, I tried to do whatever I could to give myself the best possible chance at success. I knew that I was not, and would not be, the most technically talented player on the field, but I was prepared to make up for that with dedication and drive. I trained on my own before or after practice and on off days, spent time working on speed and strength and sent numerous emails to college coaches all across the US. Halfway through junior year, I still hadn't received any serious interest from the coaches that I had contacted and was starting to lose hope. I was so focused on this one specific goal that not seeing results made me question my decision to move and regret not quitting soccer. However, right before my last showcase tournament of junior year, I got an email from the Rice coaches at the time, saying that they were impressed with my film and were going to watch me play at the event. While this may sound cheesy, this was the moment that I had been waiting for my whole soccer career – a chance to prove myself and validate all of the work that I had done. A good soccer game and a stroke of luck later, I was a part of Rice's class of 2022 and thrilled to have the opportunity to be a college athlete.
Freshman year of college was a whirlwind of new experiences; from living in a dorm, to having soccer practice at seven o'clock every morning, to being in classes where professors rarely knew your name. Again, I found myself so intent on being in complete control of both school and soccer that I didn't really dedicate much time to the other aspects of my life. I didn't call my family as much, I didn't go out of my way to make friends, and when given the choice between hanging out with people or completing schoolwork, I chose schoolwork. It was clearly just robotic decision making all around. In my defense, I was just a freshman whose default coping mechanism was to be hyper-focused and to try to dictate the outcomes of the events in my life. However, a couple of months into sophomore year, I finally thought that I had everything figured out and was ready to make the most out of my college experience, when suddenly, everything went into disarray.
And now, here I am. Almost 18 months later and in the midst of a global pandemic, yet calmer than I have ever been before. In March, when the effects of COVID-19 began to take their toll in Houston, I was in a panic. School was on pause, soccer was cancelled, everyone was going home, and for the first time in my life, I didn't know what my schedule would look like weeks in advance. The Canada-US border was also on the verge of closing, so I had to decide between going home or staying in Houston. There were so many question marks about the days and months to come and I had no choice but to be okay with it. After much deliberation, I chose to finish my spring semester in Houston and not return home to my family because I wanted to keep playing soccer, which was not possible in a Canadian winter during a national lockdown. At first, life seemed great. I was living with my friends, playing soccer every day and feeling significantly less stressed about school. But after a while, the realities of the pandemic began to set in. We watched as case and death counts rose consistently and state-wide lockdowns got extended, making it seem more and more like there was no end in sight. Given the nature of the time, and the monotony of our daily lives, I was forced to slow down and actually process everything that was going on and I realized that I was homesick, which I had never been before. I missed my family a lot. I don't know if this was my karma for not calling them much during the first few years that I was away, but I started dragging phone calls on for so long that even my mom wanted to hang up on me. In a time of such chaos and sadness, I couldn't help but wish that my family was by my side. Needless to say, I had a bit of a reality check regarding the most important things in my life.
By the time the fall semester came around, I was just excited to be back on campus. Were there setbacks? Of course. Our fall soccer season was canceled, we had to practice in masks, we weren't allowed to scrimmage or do drills that involved contact – definitely not an ideal situation for a college soccer team. Yet, I felt so privileged to be at a place like Rice where even when it seemed like the rest of the world was falling apart, I could continue with school and soccer with some semblance of normalcy. I was able to come to campus, to see my friends, to be in classes where my professors had done their absolute best to adapt to a virtual format, and to be on the field with my team every day. I was fortunate to be making memories in a semester that was surely one-of-a-kind, all while feeling confident that I was being kept safe and healthy. 2020 truly showed me that while it was soccer that brought me to Rice, it is that and so much more that keeps me here today, and I am beyond grateful to everyone who helped me become a Rice Owl (with a special shout out to my parents).
After a year as crazy as 2020, the biggest piece of advice that I can give to anyone still just trying to find their way is to have an open mind, to not lose sight of what is important, and to cherish the good that surrounds you. I hope to leave Rice as a person who my parents and family are proud of, who my teammates and coaches respect, who my professors remember, and who my friends will want to visit in 20 years. But until then, I am going to do my best to live each day in the moment, to be someone that people can count on and to seize and appreciate any opportunity that comes my way. Oh, and something that I have learned and frankly, am still trying to accept, is that sometimes, you can't control what you can't control.